The random rambles of J #28 - Seppuku the Christmas

Hello my ho's! Here is my present to you. A new podcast!! Don't all send yourselves flying underneath my tree at once.

My intention was to post this on Christmas eve-eve, but I didn't. So I planned to post this on Christmas eve, but I didn't. So I figured I'd try and get it out for Christmas morning, but I didn't. So here it is, ON boxing day. Fail? No. I refuse to class this as a fail. And if you dare say as such I will hunt you down and give you an arrow to the knee.

As promised in my last podcast, I talk in depth about that Zelda game, Skyward sword. It's only when I play this podcast back to myself that I remember all of these other things I should have mentioned about the game, which I forgot. I blame Christmas (stupid bloody thing). I do happen to talk about other stuff though. One whole podcast on Zelda would be a bit much. Although I have done it before (go listen to it please).

Here's what you get in my 2011 Christmas podcast...

• Christmas = seppuku
• The Namco waiting game
• Metal Gear Rising. Revengeance is a dish best served canceled.
• Deus ex got dat ♪ Black 'n yellow, black 'n yellow, black 'n yellow ♪
• The Distant worlds conspiracy theory
• Microsoft sort it out. Sony? *tumbleweed*
• My cloud parting rendition of "The ballad of the Goddess"
• The Christmas gift rejection hit "Christmas face"
• So, is that Skyward sword game any good? *strokes copy of game*
• Random J radio plays...Hikaru Utada
• My new year's resolution(s)

With a line drawn firmly under Christmas and a sigh of relief we made through epic meal times and rabid high street shoppers, we can now look forward to a new year and feel a bit miserable that 2011 went by so quickly, as mull over all of the things we planned to do, but didn't. But everything will be okay, as long as my podcasts are around. I like to think of my podcasts as some all powerful object which just helps everything and makes it better. A bit like the triforce. But the triforce when somebody good touches it, not some evil son of a bitch. I have no idea what I'm talking about. Please just download my podcast.

Yay!! Love you all! x

The anthem for recipients of shitty Christmas presents. Presents so bad that you wouldn't even bother to donate it to a charity shop.

Seppuku the Christmas

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The random rambles of J #27 - Gaming killed the podcast star

Let's not talk about how this podcast comes 4 months after my last one. Let's instead be joyous that it's here and that it's ALMOST CHRISTMAS!!

I feel like I share something in common with Britney Spears. Being away from the game for so long and having to come back with new material and shit to appease my fan base and the haters. Actually, that's nonsense. I have nothing in common with Britney aside from having millions of fans worldwide (this is a lie). And I've never gotten out of a car and had paparazzi snap me wearing no underwear (this did happen to me once).

This is a more subdue podcast than normal, due to me feeling slightly depressed about work (I thought slavery was abolished, my work place seems to enforce it regardless) and also being out of practice having not recorded anything in so long. I figured I'd ease in with my comeback podcast by coming off like a stable human being and then hit you all with filthy humour, crassness and filth to dirty up your Christmas with my next podcast. But until that day, here's what you're getting with this humanity friendly 27th podcast of mine:

• The importance of making time for your bitches (i.e friends)
• How the Zelda symphony touched my soul and made love to it
• Skyrim has stolen my friend
• Dark souls has stolen another friend
• I think I want Final Fantasy XIII-2 in my life right now
• Nathan Drake forces Lara Croft to sort out her shit
• Final Fantasy XIII's Lighting gives Sazh a tram experience
• Princess Peach's latest hood banger "Run the kingdom (Peach)"
• A bit of Skyward sword (by bit, I mean literally, one sentence)
• Random J radio plays... Perfume

My next podcast will be out next week. And THAT right there is a promise forged stronger than the bonds those fucking ASDA roll back price promises are made out of.

Download my podcast please. And if you like it, check out my older ones (everything older than 11 is an amazing hot mess) and be sure to subscribe! Everything you need is below.

This podcast features Princess Peach's 2nd hood anthem "Run the world (Peach)". Daisy is about to know what time it is.

Gaming killed the podcast star

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The random rambles of J #26 - Doo-doo detective

Oh hai!! Just thought I'd resurrect myself from teh dead and bring you all a brand new podcast! Because I know you've been missing listening to my 60 minute rants in a tongue of common UK lingo.

Here's be the pain I bring for my 26th podcast.

• Checking into the Arkham asylum
• Random J radio plays... Friendly fires
• My new life action plan
• How much I want Kaidan to be alive
• Let's talk about it!! L.A Noire
• WiiUbestNotF**kUp
• Indulging in detective mysteries with Last window the Nintendo DS...
• How much I love Kaidan
• The anthem for all you Friday night gamers out thurr "Last Friday night (T.G.F)"
• Optimus Prime umbrella's of fail
• Let's take a seat on a fence for Sonic generations
• My plan to seduce Kaidan

Now, if you'd be so kind as to excuse me. I'm off to go and snatch Katy Perry's blue wig, receive my Grammy nomination for my contribution to pop music and play some Last window on my private jet. Download this damn podcast. Thanks. Bye!! *puts on fur coat and dramatically exits*

This podcast features the Friday night gaming anthem "Last Friday night (T.G.F)". Put your pads up gamers, because we were born this way!

Doo-doo detective

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The random rambles of J #25 - I am the sex commander

Bitches, I'm back!! Back to rape your ears with my random nonsense which I try to cohesively shift together in the form of a downloadable podcast. I am Random J and I am the sex commander of this podcast. So you will listen to this.

So what cometh in my 25th podcast? Lot's of British spoken stuff for you to tuck into. This podcast is like a 4 course meal, without the bill, the trapped wind, and that awkward moment where you have to undo the top button of your trousers. Although you can undo your trsouers to this podcast if you like. After all, I am the sex commander.

• That good month feeling
• The royal wedding #PippasPap #HarrysWilly
• I ♥ Mass effect so much that Shepard wouldn't even need a dialog wheel to get it from me.
• The smash (like a glass hit with noise) hit about lonely online gaming: None.
• Sony f**k up
• Random J radio plays...We are scientists
• Nintendo's new console: The Wii coffee cona deluxe blend machine HD
• I ♥ Mass effect so much that I don't even care that it's delayed

After months of trying really hard to scale the length of these podcasts down, I failed again. This podcast is long, but it just means there's more of me to enjoy.

I'm still waiting on the deal on my Deaf Jam recording contract to go through so I can release my debut album DEAFCOM 5. Until then I'll continue to put my shit out for free, like a has been artist relegated to hustling on mixtapes.

Enjoy the podcast. And try not to laugh at my accent too much.

This podcast features the hit song "None" - pop perfection about what it is like to game alone on Xbox live.

I am the sex commander

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The random rambles of J #24 - The crusty life

My first podcast of 2011...in April. Fail. But hey, fail is what I excel at! So piss off and leave me alone. No actually please don't! Because I need you to stay and listen to this podcast. I actually offer advice and impart wisdom in this podcast. The wisdom I impart is about dustbins (go figure) and the advice I offer is about Mass effect (because life is just a bunch of branching dialogs) but it's still crucial information which will make life that little bit easier for you if you apply it and take it on board. Here's what you get in this life changing podcast.

• World affairs
• The launch of the 3DS
• The SO underground hit, even the Morlocks haven't heard it: Like a joystick (featuring the Quarter circle forward movement)
• I ♥ Mass effect so much I'd sleep with Shepard myself
• Random J radio plays...MiChi
• How one feels about Marvel vs. Capcom 3
• Japan story: Wrappers and lolly sticks - The quest for a dustbin
• Seriously. I am in love with Mass effect

If Oprah had no hair, were British and into games - this is what her podcast would sound like. Did I sell this podcast well enough? Nope!? Well, download it any way.

This podcast features the arcade smash "Like a joystick". For all of the beat 'em up aficionado's who appreciate a good joystick.

The crusty life

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